14. Chicken aint nothin but a bird

Positivity and realism; two strong mindsets I have, that often collide. The positive me will use phrases such as 'when there is a will there is a way', yet I don't entirely believe what I'm saying nor do I think it's a crock of shit.

Growing up, life quickly taught me to view the world  in a different perspective. A perspective not clouded by naive positivity that just fills you with a false sense of entitlement that is ultimately destined to disappoint, nor poisoned with a negative, pessimistic attitude that is not just destined to lead to failure, but almost asking for it.

It sounds ultra negative, but I tend to think people depend on happy delusions to fuel the self esteem needed to function through their normal day. This really isn't a problem...until the fantasy begins to unravel. I believe 'it' happens because 'it' does, because we either let it, or we just don't have control over it. Some of the biggest mistakes I made in my life were probably due to believing I had more control over my environment than I actually did.

So how about positive-realism?, dream big with realistic goals? who knows. All I know is, whatever 'it' is, 'it' will happen.

12: Binned Facebook

Facebook, done, dusted, fuck that shit, seriously. I know I know, I've quit facebook before and somehow always returned, but not this time. In the past leaving facebook was always because of somebody else.I probably felt that facebook was causing more trouble in my previously troublesome social life than I cared for.

This time, none of that is a factor and I'm actually leaving it because I just don't really care about it anymore. In all honesty, I never really cared about it. I was a late bloomer to facebook and social networking sites in general and the idea of it has always kinda seemed pathetic and stupid. Not to say I categorise all people who choose to be on it, under that description.

I guess young society crave and seek the positive attention they get from what I call "fake" self representations in the form of chosen, digitally edited pictures and a few boxes detailing what you want people to read in order to manipulate peoples opinions of you. Trust me I wasn't much better, my profile was locked down tight. If people actually formed a significant opinion of me based on a combination of my pictures/info/likes/statuses and general activity I guarantee you they would be surprised (pleasantly/unpleasantly) if they ever really got to know me.

5 years ago if I took pictures of you and told you I'm posting them on the internet where potentially hundreds if not thousands of people could view them and would actually be notified and directed to view them through a live feed. You probably would have said "the fuck you are, I'll sue your ass". Not today son, today I may log into facebook only to see pictures of me smoking marijuana from 4 years ago on a profile that shares a "friendship" connection with people from my work and quite possibly their friends if they decided to comment on the photos. The best part is, there is diddly squat I can do about it if the original poster decides not to remove them.

Funny enough this is a commonly accepted practice these days and I have actually been called "gay" or been accused of thinking or acting like I am a celebrity or a person of some significant public importance because I actually dared to request photos of me that I dislike or don't want been made public to be taken down. Apparently, NOT being one to crave or welcome attention is seen as celebrity like. I thought it was stupid to.

Anyway I have a mobile phone, an email, a face, ears and frankly I rather have personal relationships with friends rather than such impersonal relationships with them over a glorified classifieds website. I miss the old days where people actually had to catch up over lunch or a drink or even on the phone. I liked the days when you didn't miss out on dinner invitations because you hadn't checked your facebook in a few weeks; and I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know people from conversation. Facebook just takes all the fun out of that.

So goodbye to those who only knew of me through their online reality, just don't forget that people still continue to exist outside in the real world.

11. The White Man's Yan Yan

12. Geek Boner

Daniel Reese, painter of sneakers. I thought about it and decided that going through the trouble of hiring workers to build a dungeon underneath my house just so I can kidnap this man and get him to paint sneakers for me, will probably be more costly and risky than to pay the £500 (pounds!) he charges, for a customised paint job of your pair of Nike Air Force One(s).

See more pics below (link)
(also today I learned that holding down 'ALT' while typing '0163' = £)

11. Last Week: Things that made my lazy brain, not so lazy

10: Twinkle twinkle little vampire

I would like to express a few... disagreements, with the twilight movie(s).
Firstly, Edward (aka. the main dude) and his 'people' are NOT vampires, they are some sort of glittery demon race of humanoids that just happen to suck penis blood. Count Orlock from Nosferatu is a real vampire. If you haven't seen that classic film, please watch it. The Count makes Edward Cullen look like... well no..he already looks like a sissy boy, but my point is the Count is evil and bad, just how a vampire SHOULD be. I will add that Blade was a kick-ass vampire as well.

9. The Expendables

I dream of concepts such as, world peace, a cure for cancer, donuts that are healthy, three day weekends every week and of course, a film with all my favourite big action movie heroes starring in it.

The Expendables due out on the 12th of August here in Australia, stars no less than 7 action movie stars that make my list. Sly Stallone, Jet Li, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren (aka "big russian dude from Rocky), Jason Statham and uncredited appearances by Bruce Willis and the legend himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

 If this movie actually has a decent storyline I may be able to die a... well, let's say a 'content' man. I would, however, have been able to die a happy man If they had added Wesley Snipes ("you forgot cho boardin pass!"), Stephen Seagal, Kurt Russel and the CGI inclusion of Neytiri from Avatar. The only thing I'm a bit sceptical about is Mickey Rourke with the cheesey grin and a funny looking sombrero on his head; everyone else in this movie is looking badass yet here we have good ol Mickey looking like the matured alcoholic version of Speedy Gonzales that kill's terrorists with his morning breath <sigh>  love ya Mickey...(not really).

8. You can find me NOT in the club... at least not as much.

I'm over it, I'm over going out to a nightclub either once a week or once a fortnight and spending $150 bucks on alcohol that's just going to leave me feeling like shit for the next day or two. I miss the days where I actually woke up on a Sunday morning feeling fresh..in fact i miss the days where i actually woke up in the morning on a Sunday. The $150+ a week spent on clubbing and relatively pointless bopping to music that i largely don't listen to at home anyway, would benefit me so much more if it was going to something that doesn't decrease the lifespan of my liver by a few years and and rot my vocal chords till i'm sounding like the fucking Marlborough man on a bad day.

So no, you will not find me in a bar, or a club, pissing the night away anymore....well at least that's what the parched throated angry man inside me is saying.

P.S. oh and happy birthday to my boy Jay - whose mad birthday outing is the reason i'm feeling like dirt today.

7. Commitment: His curse.

I know someone who hates being committed. He also hates that he's reluctant to be committed to anything past the loyalty he gives to his family and friends.

He used to think it was a blessing. He has the freedom to explore the world, live life at his own pace, be however and whoever he wants to be, meet new people, sleep with new people, work different jobs; but it's all at a cost.

He's single and quite possibly will never be married or have children, both of which he wanted to have achieved. Career-wise he may never find exactly what he truly wants to do because he will always fear that there may be that little bit something better around the corner that he's preventing himself from discovering or achieving.

6. Sharktopus

If the trailer is anything to go on, "Sharktopus" potentially could be the 'shittest' movie since Dragonball Evolution. A movie seemingly about an Octopus-Shark hybrid creature that threatens beach goers (mainly women in bikinis and men on boats), is set to be released to enthusiastic B-Grade horror movie fans this year sometime.

5. "Autobots! Woll out!" - Chinese Optimus Prime in Beijing

Awesome Optimus Prime robot made out of 10,108 recycled car parts, standing 32 feet high. Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, criticised the creation, stating it was "bias, pointless and ugly"....jealous much?

4. When urban myths aren't cool

A Chinese-Bruneian once advised me to eat monkey soup to cure my headache, I told him I think some paracetamol will do the trick just fine.

According to some, ground tiger penis and ground rhino horn are aphrodisiacs and cure erectile dysfunction. To this day these claims still remain unproven by any respectable scientific organisation (correct me if I'm wrong). The only real effect these myths have are on the animal population. There is a reason Tigers, Rhino's and other animals are on the brink of extinction and a large part of that reason is therapeutic myths.

3. Test your Awareness

Very cool... even if the failed results shattered my dream of becoming a ninja.

There are other awareness test videos out there, check em out.

2. Frog Cakes

Winter sucks. It does because of what you are required to wear in winter. I don't want to have to put on track pants, socks, shoes, t-shirt then a sweater and in some cases a jacket on top of all that just so I can DRIVE 200 meters down the road to buy lunch and some groceries; I'm a guy and the journey isn't worthy of the effort it takes just to rummage through my pile of shit (clothes) scattered around my room. Screw it, next time i'm wearing t-shirt, trackies and thongs and if anyone asks me "aren't you cold" I'm gonna stab them with the frozen booger icicle hanging from my nose.

1: Keeping Grounded

For the past year, maybe even the past 2 years I have almost systematically complained about my job and where I'm at in my life now compared to where I once envisioned myself to be 5 years prior .

I work in IT (computer stuff), in an office, 8-9 hours a day everyday.
If it's not the long fluorescent lights that resemble tanning bed lamps glaring at me for 8 hours a day sucking away at the lifespan of my eyes, then it's the two 19-inch monitors that sit half a meter away from my face that will ensure eyeball death at an early age.

I try my best to make my desk feel as 'homely' as possible. Two little smiling Buddha figures, a Batman yoyo, Batman mug, a handmade candle and a stone I picked up from somewhere just aren't doing it for me anymore. Even the colourful Robotech figurine pisses me off with his same pose day in day out. This is place gets to you.

Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't taken a holiday anywhere in 2 years that contributed to the build up of all the bullshit that comes out of a negative office environment in a town already filled with negative people. I love Adelaide, but seriously this place is a breeding ground of human beings with a cynical outlook on practically every aspect of living; and the sucky thing about it is, overtime no matter how much you try to resist the urge to be forever sarcastic and snide, the shit still tends to rub off on you.

So off to the tropics, back to the land of my birth I go, away from an Australian winter and straight into a warmer environment in every sense of the word. It doesn't take long for me to remember how hard people have it there and how privileged I am to not only have legal permission to live and work in Australia but to have a secure job that pays me in one month the equivalent to six to eight months salary for some of my friends.

Three years working in the office almost squashed any of the creativity left in me and I lost sight of that vision I once had for myself. One month back to my roots, was all it took to remind me again on how I used to be, and how I appreciated the real things in life. Fuck the superficial Australian dream that suggests you buy a piece of shit three bedroom house for four hundred thousand Australian dollars. Why would I sentence the better part of my life locked into working whatever job pays the constant debt that I'll have for the next 24 years. Some people can be happy with that, I can't.. at least not yet.